Are you patient?
Yes- said no one ever!
Patience encompasses two of the hardest life-long lessons people must learn–waiting and unselfishness.
Waiting requires you to give your time to fate when obviously you know what’s best for you. And unselfishness requires you to honor others above yourself because that is obviously human nature. 😇
“But the problem is, that it is not the outside thing that’s the source to our pain, but our mindset. No matter how bad or good the outer thing is, it’s our mind that has the aversion or attraction. It’s our mind that is the cause of discomfort, not the outer circumstances.” – Psychology Today
It’s all in your head
Essentially your mindset is the reason you are so impatient. You get angry and irritable because you want to force your circumstances and people to change. You never want to be uncomfortable or sacrificial and that’s just plain selfishness at the root. Realizing this puts the power of patience directly in your hands.
To come to this conclusion was hard, ladies! I wanted it to be everyone else’s fault, but my impatience was only my own fault. I want to be in control of every twist and turn life took me on in relationships, career, love, and reaching my dreams. Not having control left me cranky and fearful and it has driven away great friends as well as caused extra poundage from emotional eating.
Knowing that patience is a choice you must make every day is empowering. It provides you with options and reminds you that you don’t have to be defeated if you have a plan.
This year I decided to have a plan to gain patience in different aspects of my life.
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Patience in Singleness
I wanted to be married by now. 25 was the goal. Now I am 26 and though not “happy” in my singleness, I”m content with the lifestyle. As the years go by I know it’s gonna be harder and harder to break my single habits, Mr. Man needs to hurry up!
Waiting on God’s best and for my evil tendencies to subside so that someone will actually want to marry me– is frustrating.
Seeing people my age married and having kids makes me tear-up.
Going alone to events is embarrassing.
Learning that all these feelings are just in my head and have the power to look at them differently is empowering.
This year I want to do things differently:
- Change my mindset about my singleness/men
- Get in a better position to meet eligible men
- Meet young, married couples to learn from and not to envy
The mindset change will involve looking at singleness from all angles instead of the cursed one. Learning to see men in a better light–my brothers who are growing into men instead of manipulative douche bags. That will involve relationships with men that aren’t dating bound, but full of sisterly love.
The second part of the plan requires me to change my location. I started going to a different church earlier this year that had a young adult crowd, diversity, and volunteer activities that I enjoy. It was a jackpot move. A few miles made a huge difference in my outlook.
Sagacious Tip | I encourage you to make some changes if the waiting game of singlehood is driving you crazy. Expand your mindset about singleness and make some needed moves to open yourself up to new possibilities.
Patience in Career
My career dream is to work for myself and retire early through passive income. I want to do things totally different. Work little, retire early (35-40) and die fulfilled. Unfortunately, it’s easy to get unmotivated when I everyone around me is so content with living “The American Dream” – work hard, retire late, and die broke.
My first step in my career plan is this blog. Being self-employed requires a lot of discipline and patience to build the money and audience for your service. This blog was actually birthed two years ago and even though it was supposed to be published in January 2017, I am just publishing mid-year. I’m forced to be patient with my lack of discipline and fear of failure.
The plan is persistence and fear slaying.
Persistence will require me to make an effort no matter how small to work on my blog in some way every single day. Looking at one blog post and finding things to edit counts. I have even let going to the website and staring at the coming soon page count. Knowing that the blog is waiting for me to complete and the huge time and money investments I have made in it this year are my motivations.
Fear slaying requires killing negative self-talk! I’ve gotten a lot of encouragement and motivation from other bloggers, friends, and family, but it’s what I tell myself that truly counts. This is a daily battle with my mindset and requires mixing truth with grace towards my downfalls. Failure has been a huge bully in my life since I graduated college and it has kept me from truly living. This year things are going to change!
Sagacious Tip | Maybe self-employment isn’t your goal, but moving up in your career or even getting your dream job. What are some things you need to do to make it happen? Are there any mindsets you need to challenge? Instead of being impatience with your circumstance make a career plan and start taking the baby steps NOW!
Patience in Money
I am on year 2 of my 3-year goal to be debt free.
The first year I got out of credit card debt, this year I am removing my car loan, and the last year should be my student loans. It’s been a hard road!
A lot of people don’t understand why I am working two jobs, why I am on a budget, or even why I want to pay things off early. Add working a second job that makes my Monday- Thursdays 13 hours long and things get even more frustrating.
It’s hard to be patient as you wait for your bad choices (debt) to dissipate and being on a budget sucks sometimes. To make things a little easier, I’ve made sure to budget in time with my friends with a monthly friend fund as well as budget in vacations by credit card hacking.
Swimming against the current will require a lot of patience and a daily look at the bigger picture. I’m making sure to track my money goals and tell people about them so they can keep me on track when they ask for updates. I am learning about passive income through housing and blogging and taking steps ( such as going to classes and getting mentors) to start the investment.
Sagacious Tip | Learn more about changing your money mindset here.
Patience in Relationships:
I have never been any good at relationships- it’s like I have always been set to be independent and not need others. Though my mind may be averse to relationships, my heart craves them and I am learning that I truly need them.
My impatience with these relationships is in how much time it takes for them to grow deeper and more fulfilling. I am notorious for running from or running people away from me, so I have to start fresh and build relationships a lot more than others.
I am working on two key relationships this year:
- I want to be closer to God and grow spiritually. I have a lot of high and low season in this relationship. Whenever I take two steps forward, I then take 4 steps back. It feels like I will never spiritually mature and I’m growing more and more impatient with the process.
- Daily devotions- At this moment my favorite devotional is Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life – it’s amazing!!
- Taking the time to be still and listen, instead of rushing through my devotions
- Praying- something I hardly ever do. How can I say I want a relationship when I never talk to Him?
- Friendships. Sadly, I am just learning that I put way too much pressure on my friends to be on the same level that I am in maturity and in life. I’m not even where I want to be, how the heck can I expect them to be anywhere? My Miss Fix-it and perfectionist tendencies can make me a terrible friend. I want to learn to be more patient with who they are and with their time of growth and maturity. I want to love them instead of changing them and accept them for who they are.
- Having an accountability partner who puts me in my place and reminds me of how crazy my thinking really is. You gotta have someone who gives it to you straight.
- Opening my heart up to friendships I never would’ve considered and being willing to try.
- Weekly evaluations of my life, especially when it comes to how I treat others. You cannot change what you do not know.
Sagacious Tip | What are some relationships you need to be more patient with people or yourself in? Self-evaluate why they are taking so long to develop and plan out some changes.
Though this does not exactly fit under the other topics I decided to include it since it is such a major patience point for me:
I tend to road rage a lot and embarrassingly it doesn’t change when people are in the car with me. One day late last year, I sat and counted how many times I had cussed out, zoomed in front of, and mentally bullied people while on my 20-minute trek to work. 15 times in 20 mins, Rizzy definitely needs to change!
- Listening to podcast or books on tape ( not my pulsating Christian Rap music) completely preoccupied my mind from the traffic around me
- Placing scripture and patience quotes on sticky notes or note cards to read at red lights to keep me in check
Endurance gives way to hope
This year I will endure with my circumstances and I will dance in their rain. I will put my plan to the test and pray about the rest.
Maybe things aren’t at my ideal, but I am more than sure they are at God’s ideal for me at this time. I just finished reading the book Detours by Tony Evans and it has totally rocked how I view my circumstances. At this moment I know that my life is on a detour from my dreams, but this is happening for a reason. To help me grow and expand my thinking, to prepare me for my purpose, and to change the lives of people in the middle of my circumstances.
2017 is my year for patience. I will trust in God’s timing and I will endure, hopefully with more smiles than grimaces.
Here are some encouraging patience quotes to share. Use them as screen savers for your computer or phone or even print out and place around your house, office, or car.
Evaluate the ReEducation:
- Impatience has to do with your mindset– Evaluate it and make some changes—Patience is a choice.
- Make a plan to battle impatience in all your circumstances
- There is hope to endure any and everything as long as you are still breathing you will get through it and be stronger because of it.